sunday night i told my tt i was going to document my late night thoughts, the thoughts i shared with him as he lay sick and feverish beside me on the futon. these thoughts were about just one more year...a year more of this weekly separation. One year and all of this will be but a memory.

after the move to Frisco the two of us are closer to our ultimate goal than ever - he will job hunt soon, i will obtain employ soon--everything soon, and fast and direct. i have learned patience and how not to lean or collapse...i have learned to cherish these alone times during the week, times i may fill as i choose and the sense of freedom therein (not that i ever mind collaborating *grin*). i like being alone...i like my week...but i love our weekend.

i talked to my tt as he lay sniffling about our trials, the current and most long standing, distance and separation, not the least of our worries. other problems and trials pale, and it is strange to me...calming in ways. i still get upset and frustrated at things but somehow the last few years have stabilized how i view and approach obstacles. the calm extends further...and there is peace, and contentment. a sense of root, of tree...purpose and goal. things the past few years are just more...bearable. i suppose knowing reasons for sad is easer than not knowing why...i know it is easier.

backlog and brief historical flim/flam:

august00 - after one morning and one night of whimsical and carefree play, tt moved to Frisco. although this naughty exchange may have occurred largely because of the safety and security of knowing that he was moving across the continent the next day, and therefore a clean and crisp disconnective snap - this was not the end. following long nights of waiting by the phone, irc window and secrets most dark and deep, we both noted to ourselves that we were looking forward to these calls, breathlessly - a trip was planned? an xmas trip, another whim and another chance to test the strength of our tie.

december00 - tt to suxburgh to visit his parents for the holiday and to attend my concert (sweet). it was all we could do to wait for my apartment door to close out the winter night before the look into the eyes and the first i love you...so much passed between, between "us," newly established. then off to Frisco for up to date the most amazing vacation full of Ethiopian food, artichokes, new years kisses and car accidents. he decided then, after living in Frisco for only a few months - and loving it - that he would rather move back to suxburgh to live with me while i complete my education.

may01 - after a 5 month search tt has found a new job with a company that would let him weekend in suxburgh, and "live" there with me. he flies from SanDiego every weekend with boxes and stuffed suitcases, moving to suxburgh piece by piece - i sleep with these pants and shirts while he is away, and every week i wait for friday night. he is home late friday night through sunday night...and these are precious times to us. after the move to our new apartment in squill and his settling into his new position, the weekends slowly stretch longer, first 2 days 2 nights then 2 days 3 nights to 3 days 4 nights home.

february03 - tt and i leap into a whole new life, moving to Frisco within a few months of deciding that we must go, must try - not to save the relationship, mind, it is as strong as ever, but to stir up things a little bit, try the change, striving to be in a place which will allow us to be together...for both he and i to live in the same city, every night dinner across our dining room table, every night the bed warmed with two large bodies (plus 3 little meowing ones)