in chorale the other night i cried along to the mozartrequiem and all four verses of americathebeautiful...i did. i did not, however, wear the flag pin i was given by the crazybirdladee here at work...not as a slight, mind you, but i am not one of those librarians that wears turtle necks with pins.

i know how i feel and see no need to broadcast it - i feel strongly about many things but one will never see me wearing collars or corsets to work either.

i just sat here to a conversation about machine guns and how these people dislike the fact that they are being racist and such...i remained neutral. they distrust people that lookmiddleeastern...dislike and/or hate them. i do not. all humans are capable of evil...all races kill and hate.

i have no trust for any people and tend to spread my anger and hate evenly.

*shrug*

this does, in no way, indicate complacency.

on a different note:

i joined a local gym today. i have decided it time to move toward new goals. my body is something i have control over, something i have a choice in. i only have one, and now that we have made friends, it is time to do a little teamwork for myself. for me. not for my fucked up version of mother, not out of self-loathing, not because of peer or cultural pressure and such...but for me.

...and i am very happy about this. i actually signed papers for a year, and off we go!

note: there are benefits, mind...yes it is a fuck you to mum and to loathing...but for the first time, these are not reasons. *shrug* i like me now...so any improvement is bonus.

woot!