i know your game
i do�
and i am tired of your rules.

what if i simply decide not to play?

after all, i do have a choice�and i can say no. this game is not fun and often humiliating� i will not push those away that i love, i will not plan it out to the last minute detail, cold and alone.

i refuse,

it is hard to say no, for your wiles are of the sweetest kind, sweet sleep, sweet bliss.

but today, depression, i refuse, and although there were doubts and concerns � i am out of bed, dressed and on my way out.

but you are unattractive, who would actually want to fuck someone like you�something like that?
you are hideous�you are worthless, not even professional. after all, what is a degree if one is to pathetic to use such things?
you will never be successful, you are useless.
you will always fail at everything you try. you are such a looser that you do not even deserve a chance�
disgusting �disfigured �revolting �repugnant,
you do not deserve happy, no, you cannot do the simplest things � you could not even keep your cat alive, you could not return the simplest favor�

and no

and

no.

i will not play,
not this game.

things are fine here, and i am past letting them be influenced or destroyed by the likes of you.

i will prevail�i will.

and who was that person who called up at 10:30 last night�leaving some strange RnBish song on the answering machine�?

TT's thery: it was that man, with the low low voice, who calls here for his xgrrl every now an then. he has found another and thought it proper to get it on in the background with some lover-ly music playing�and thought it best for his xgrrl to know?

c'mon. at least if you call to leave music on the machine�play barrywhite or something. sheesh.

is that a challenge? ...why yes!

*wink*