no, and thankyouverymuch, but I will not be paying the $3.00 convenience charge for paying my parking ticket by phone.

why must everything have an added tax or charge?
sheesh.

on the way home for lunch (aka home to pester the kitties) i spied myformadibleopponent and waved him into the car. whee, i�ll drop you off at work�

formadibleopponent: what are you doing?

bootygrrlie: thinking on my sanity�

formadibleopponent: ? hrm?

bootygrrlie: well, i am at this very moment crying over a parking ticket, i mean, jeez!

formadibleopponent: a parking ticket, that is not so bad!

bootygrrlie: �a $45.00 parking ticket.

formadibleopponent: oh, heh, if all of my tickets were $45.00, i would be crying too�

bootygrrlie: pleh.

tears? and whyso?

i am remembering the dream now, the one where i live in a beautiful, but fantasy, apartment with my amazingly understanding and caring boyfriend, with three sweet kitties and such wonderful wonderful stuff. oh�and the car, cannot forget the car. �and this is a world where everything is fine and free�

and it is a fantasy.
i forget sometimes that it is not real�at least for me.
i forget my debts and bills -- i forget my responsibilities, for here in this place there is nothing but happy and good and

bliss.

take advantage they say, to my utter horror, sit back and relax, let him take care of you�and i think it is they who are loony, not this one.

this one stands on her own.

i�ll get through that $42,763.28, and that unresolved medical bill, �and i�ll keep that credit card bill under $500, and all of the billz will be paid � on time � and i will even save a little up every month for the little things, the special things for my art, for our house, �and i will keep them close, so close, these things that i pinch for.

so no, i will not pay the extra $3.00 for convenience, for there is nothing about my own and personal existence that is convenient - no, not on $15,000/yr. � nothing but quick and plan and solve and scrimp � that i�ll use to get this grrl through�

get her through to a place where i am something
where i mean something to myself
where I have reached a point of grown-uppedness
and nothing is holding me up, my crutch
especially not my parents,
let alone my love�

indulge and wallow - no. and fuckyouverymuch, i am in love not en-slaving.

damnit
today I am feeling a bit worthless
more than a bit.

patience pretty, and keep that chin up, into the wind...one foot in front of the other on the slip slippy path around the rim of the endless...your TT and kiTTies need you.

every down leads to an up
do not worry precious one
- have faith -
not in some imaginary icon or others, but faith in yourself and your love... ...it will prevail through all else,
i promise.