numb calm again today...i listen to tori at work, and she sings me through. it is a good thing, that torigrrl knows what she is doing, singing those words...yes...the old favorites that slide me through everything, greased. i've had the b-sides in the shower for three months now, leterally washing over me.

*smile*

and today the gyne appointment...doctors...rrr. and i have questions for them about something wonky going on...a concern for us both. eep.

and of course speaking of doktors,...i bet those horrible people at my doktor's office did nothing yet...nothing nothing nothing! rrr.

*stamp*stamp*pout*stamp*

i want to rage around like a child, i want to scream and moan and hit my head off of the wall, yes. but those times are passed. pleh.

and i have to wait for them to find some sort of solution for this...so i can keep my $5000...or perhaps not keep, just put that income toward my loans instead. *sigh*

joy.

i want to sink my body back into his, my lips on his chest, my legs draped over his knees... it seems as if forever, but narry a week.

i miss smelling him, tasting his skin, his sweat, his fingers in my hair...the closeness, almost as if one body.

i miss watching him pet the cats...

his sideways smirk

his collar stays

his hrmmm...