this is the third day of my headache...but i slept last night so that is saying something. havana slept underneath the covers with me, warm fur up against my belly...nice.

the calm is returning

anxiety and such seem to be returning back to a more normal level...normal for me at least.

my doctors office called yesterday to get details of the 2nd appeal process. i hope they do not fuck it up again...i really cannot go to the pensylvania board of health hearing that would be next.

i cannot...i think i would rather pay the $5,000 then deal with that...just not stable enough.

nope.

when problems/conflicts arise, i supress...i bury and do everything in my power to resolve. yes yes. then i rant/rave...get it out...out of my head, stop the thoughts whirring. stop.

and then the calm returns...experiences are learned from, resolution is complete, hopefully.

but now i am just at the point of no longer caring about these bills...it has just gone on too long, endless phone calls, frustration, no call-backs...and bills bills bills in the mail.

*sigh*

sometimes i have to just lie back and let it wash over me, do what it will, rape and kill, and disconnect. sometimes solutions just work themselves out over time, and patience is key.