but when you gonna stand on your own?

i say �the world is sick�
you say "tell me what that makes us darlin"
(you see, you always find my faults�
faster than you find your own)

you say �the world is getting rid of her demons�
i say "baby, what have you been smoking ?"
(well i dreamed, i dreamed...)

in this dream i am a student taking a database course. i am back at cmu and am lost in the hallways, stairways and elevators. somehow i find my class, not understanding anything which is reviewed. the second part of the class we are to use to complete our assignments in the computer lab. i find a computer and barely know how to log in, let alone write script for the databases we are to use. it just seems much to advanced.

someone sitting next to me gives me some printouts of their homework, without my asking for help. i am happy, but still confused�nothing on the pages make sense. and old friend from cmu, thedeerhunter, looks over my shoulder. he decides that our class needs a TA and help and instruction during the lab sessions. he takes me under his proverbial wing, and i am saved.

*whew*

�also a reoccurring theme, that if taking classes and being totally lost. usually when i am back at cmu in the dreams it is in calculus class�i sit up in the back of the auditorium and try in vain to take notes. so frustrating!

heh.and due to the recent and not so recent developments in my journal and such�privacy, questions about and the like� i feel very similar toward my diary and what i write there as does the lady amalthea�very well put my lovely. although i would add that i do not mind people linking to my journal from theirs (i seem to do this a bunch�let me know, any of you, if this bothers and whatnot)�as long as they leave my name/personal identity out of it. heh. the stalker thing, although fun fantasy material (maybe)�it is just not in reality any sort of turn on at all. nope.

i try not to censor�but inevitably it happens at times�*shrug* being honest here is being honest with myself. i may mask things�but i do not lie.

for after all, are not lies the most harmful daggers?

i despise lies, i do i do�and betrayal. friends, you are my true family�the very blood in my veins. if i lied to them, i would be lying to myself. �tis true.

and today is friday�mmm�and only 8 hours till love�!

i'm glad
you're home
i bet you really missed me
i guess you did, by the look in your eye

lay back
and relax
while i put away the dishes
then you and me can rock-a-bye

you can ring my bell�ring my bell
'cause baby you
you can ring my bell�ring my bell

the night
is young
and full of possibilities
come on and let yourself be yourself, be free

my love
for you
so long I've been saving
tonight was made for you and me�

although friday nights we tend to be pretty pooped. heh. clean sheets clean sheets! i always fear so to wash them, you know�the fear of him someday not coming back from where he flies to, the sheets the only remnant of his sweet smell, his sex, his tears�

so, you�ll have to arrive alive tonight, TT, yes.