there were dreams last night...

in the first dream i was counting the painful paper-cuts on my hands and fingers...there must have been at least 10, if not more, as opposed to the two that i have now � one on my thumb and a pinky-cut.

and another�

i am sleeping next to TT. i roll over in my sleep and we put our arms around each other, snuggling. upon the contact of our temples i am transported into his dream.

bootyboi dreams a house-scape, many drab rooms with doorways. we are in the middle hallway of the bottom floor. he shuffles his feet, not wanting to go where his is drawn�fighting the steps but still slowly progressing forward. i watch him, pick up his hand, limp and cold, to warm.

i watch him suffering�he does not want to be here.

he stops at a doorway. i cannot see in the room from where i am, i can only see two tiny little red shoes on feet attached to legs�attached to some body laying inside? the feet are splayed slightly, unnatural. at this point TT begins to sob, choking on his tears, his throat closing to screams.

against all of his will he stares at the scene, �i watch his face, try to console but he can not hear my words/feel my hands. i am almost not there at all.

he turns and shuffles toward another room. from where i stand i can see ceiling beams that have fallen and the rest is darkness. TT breaks out in a long wail, holding his head and moaning�screaming into the dark room�make it stop�make it stop�make it stop!

and i put my arms around him and try to soothe, but there is nothing that i can do. i turn him away from the scene�this is extremely difficult to do, but i eventually succeed. his eyes meet mine and the horror i see there is like nothing else i have ever seen� i beg him to explain�to let me in.

in-between sobs and shudders: my two sisters murdered�i was only 5�three bodies�two so torn apart they were buried together, �never found out who� the other girl was�no�i can�t�.i can�t�you�ll have to ask my mother, �i can�t�

and i held him close to me until we woke up, my kisses covering his wet brow.

dream three�

there is a large, rectangular hole in the floor�6�x8�. below i can see water, clear and deep. i jump and am immediately surrounded by cold and light. there are now others in the water with me, sither being one of them. it is very crowded�every part of my body being touched with other bodies.

i am still on the bottom from my jump and need to breathe. i fight my way to the surface and gasp in air�feeling the drown.

i dive down, deep, anxious at the contact/lack of space. i curl up on the bottom of the pool, fetal and naked, and decide to start breathing in water. my breaths are shallow, but enough, and i escape the others in my comfortable place�no longer needing to battle the ones at the top for oxygen.

sither finds me and shakes and shakes�desperate for me to breathe air, to escape my coma, my peace.