last night there were tears.

i have not thought the thought, "i just want to be dead." for a long time...years.
and why now?
...i am so happy now. i have never been this happy,...not even when a young innocent.

there is anxiety welling and spilling over my rim...

operation? terrorism? school? work?things that are usually handled...now swirling and flooding out of control.

yesterday i woke up in his arms. lovely,...

...until i stepped down from the bed and stood up...and blood poured down my legs...puddling at the floor, striping my legs, staining the lamb throw.

i am being disgusting/disgusted lately...with my art, my body, my feminity, my way of thinking...disgusted with myself. usually one of the sure signs that i am loosing my grasp a bit, loosing my precious hold on me.

close your eyes,
darling, give me your hand...
do you feel my heart beating?
do you understand?
do you feel the same?

...am i only dreaming?

i don't want to loose this feeling...

and i am terrified, and panting, and clawing the walls my emote is constructing...

and i think i am fading away...today.

i think i will try not to cry again.

So Melt!...My lover, melt!
She said
Melt!...My lover, melt!