i am so tired.

not that it matters much, i am still here at work and push/shove-ing through my day. i think i may be in a slump...for a few weeks now, before the move. i was thinking that i am just exhaused from the move and not sleeping well since and such, ...but i think that may be too easy of an explaination. *shrug* interesting how i am so happy as of the last months and months, but the sad has not gone away -- true-ly something to learn to live with throughout one's life.

unfair! why can i not be ignorant of the whole thing and just live happily with my big freakin' hair and my taurus and my kids and dog and perhaps gerbil and above ground swimming pool in my backyard? why can i not be a joyful little blueprint of what TheMan wants me to be?

i can not...i would hate more.

i believe i tried that until i was about 16 and started to break free of rent-al clutches and decided that they(TM) could just go fuck themselves.

that was the beginning of improvement.

i am still working on it...

once i stop improving, then everything is done and i can rest rest rest and never wake.

i am not willing to give up yet...i still have some breath to fight with.

i hope that swimming helps, and cuddeling with the kitties and bootyboi and driving fast and dancing. yes! and this fall i start singing again, ...and perhaps ballroom?

*shrug*

i really like this moloko stuff, lots of dirty/sexy base. yes...