i feel it necessary to rant a little at the present moment. my rant is about mothers. (i am sure that at this point you are rolling your eyes, c'mon...everyone's heard this one before...) yeah, such things are true, but then again, perhaps it means that you, in the plural sense, will understand...more.

...and i try to explain to her my life and how it works/does not work, and why i still need her help sometimes. and she's a brick house, yo. totally stone - unforgiving, unmoving, and dumb as a fucking rock.

mum:you know [insert random name here], there is a point in your life where i am not going to be there for you anymore to help you along with things...

me:i understand that mum, but...

mum:...and you have TT now. i should not be doing anything for you, HE should be taking care of you...

me:mum, but we're not...

mum:...and [at this point you might as well insert lots of the teacher noises from charlie brown, cuz they make just about as much sense]...!!

me:yes mother, i see mother and *nod* and *sigh* and *realize that mums have to rant at times as well and that if i were to swear and raise my voice that nothing would change*

mum:look around at some other apartments, and we'll talk this weekend...people these days have to have everything they want immediately, everything!...etc.

me:i have to go...

and i am sad and tired and crushed. she still wields the stick, and as long as i am me, and i am here, and i continue to make what i do, i expose myself to it.

i want to move, or get a better job or...something. sleep will help. yes, home and sleep...and relax into the pitch and fade away.

i can not shine so bright, i am just not meant to...