this morning there was a blackbird with one leg�and wondered if that were some type of bad omen, or just a bird that came upon some trouble. i supposed the latter because it did not seem to be sickly/ill or otherwise incapacitated, simply scratch/pecking with its other blackbird companions.

blackbirds all over the place out here, with a particular dark blue sheen. pigeons, of course, and seagulls (at first i typed seadulls � but i do enjoy seeing them, something different.)

i have hopes of read/catching up more in the future, as well as writing more often. it has sucked for months at work � a deep hate kind of suck, and i have been not comfortable with anything else beside working off my ass � necessary to keep my head above the water, keep from drowning. i have designed a whole new Archive office, you see, and Archive Vault/Cave (super cooled and with efficient shelving as opposed to 14,000 tapes spread out on random shelves throughout the company.)

this has not been easy (may i under-exaggerate, severe?) but i have somehow kept myself from another dip in the loony bin, away from things that rip and tear � but at times, barely. i have not written about it and do not much talk on the subject.

let us just realize a change in the wind.

since i have designed the new space (wall placement and all, you see) i have my back to a corner and look out over the Archive and its staff� thusly i am free to read and write as i choose and have the privacy this cube environment does not allow.

i think i will have a fish tank.

there are theories that anger is in the snow, and feelings of being jilted/dumped, perhaps abandonment of friends and family? tt and i have moved to a younger place, all sparkly and big city, all open-mind and clean slate, all alone. thank my stars my boy is home now every evening � i am tired of staring at walls and bed at 7. not everything is a rose, but i am keeping orchids now (although one slowly dies.) i love and love and miss, and look forward to holding you (pl) tight as the snow comes down.

this little bird is flying into town tomorrow night � if you hear me scratching at your door will you let me in? will you have a pint or two, share a french fry, eskimo kiss me?