the new MLIS student whom i advised last week...
(she called up here for a part time job and i asked her if i could advise her a little, she agreed�conversation ensued)
anyhoo, the new MLIS student called me back today, as i told her she was free to do. she asked me for some more advice, which i thought was sweet, and i advised her as wisely as i could.

who was i to offer up my advice to a stranger? someone who had experience doing the exact same thing. yes, but that did not give me the right.

ok

relation�

last night while in ikea looking for fish tank fans my mother accosted a little hippy grrl sitting on the floor looking at rag rugs.

motherrent: let me tell you something about those rugs�it tells you that you cannot wash them, to get them drycleaned, so what do you do?

hippyruggrrl: um�get them drycleaned?

motherrent: no�normally you can wash things by hand that need to be drycleaned and just leave them on the line to dry�

hippyruggrrl: then i wash them by hand?

motherrent: no! heavens no, you throw them out!!�.you throw them out because they are cheap and not worth the hassle of trying to get them clean and and and stuff and things mwaaaah mwah waaaah mawwwwhhhh�.

by that point i was well out of earshot, embarrassed as fuck, steaming, and leaving that poor little hippy in the vocal vicinity of the-woman-who-has-an-opinion-and-advice-on-everything, the motherrent, mothera�i deserted her, completely and horribly.

and as i browsed through the tea-lights, far enough away not to hear but within sight so mothera could find me, i thought to myself that i am exactly the same way � i suppose not exactly � but getting there. for instance, why did i advise that stranger on the phone? why should i care if they want to pay for their education (working part-time) instead of having the school pay (working full-time)?

why should i care?
and furthermore why would they care about what i say?

but she did care, �she called me back today.

i helped someone, i touched someone and perhaps improved their life. a stranger, another human simply taking up space, breathing more of my precious air.

i am so torn�

and as much as i seethingly dislike mothera�s advising everyone and their pets how to do things�and as much as i find tt�s father�s advice charming and sometimes amusing� i just do not wish to end up like that.

if people want advice they will ask for it.
it is simple that way, except if the people who do not ask are not aware that good advice is available. (repeat that ten times in a row. heh.)

things i am thinking about this:

if people you know value your opinion or advice they will ask for it.

if you love someone and see them heading toward disaster, there may be an appropriate place to voice something.

one can always ask if they can offer their advice and not be hurt if the answer is no.

many strangers and humans are not worth wasting breath on anyway.

i have also almost completely broken myself from the habit of saying you should or you need to. i am careful not to insult, to push, to preach, or to tell people how to do things�

perhaps that is the difference.

comfortable silence is one of the most amazing things i have ever had� that space just filled with love and relating, not necessarily having to be filled with sound at every moment.

i have realized lately, with mothera, when i stop talking she just fills up everything�the car�the restaurant�the house.

some people listen to what you say,
take every precious word into account
�
and some people wait impatiently
for their own chance to speak.