this friday someone hit our car while it was parked. we walked up to utte, noticed something strange�something dirty�something dented! fuck! this totally spoiled the lovely and sandwich-filled lunch we just had at one of the local delis. we kept looking from the jeep parked behind us to the crunch marks, was it them? and thoughts of insurance agents and body shop boys danced in our heads.

these were expensive thoughts.

we went for a walk down the street to the pet store, as planned, but these thoughts bind-ed our pockets and caused us to get no mollies for the fish tank (we have a bit of a snail extravaganza going on)�these thoughts made my boy more pale and sad than ever.

i did a walk around the car upon returning, as par usuale, and noticed a note!

*bounce* the owner of the jeep (??) apologized and there was their name, address, phone number, insurance information including their policy number and an admittal that it was all their fault. oh my goodness, a cheery note, indeed. there were five panels dented and scraped and one of the coke bottle exhausts damaged. this would have gone well over our deductable to get fixed...$500 goodbye, not to mention, i am sure, a nasty note on TT's policy.

upon arrival home we gamed and guinessed, sitting close but no touching, none�just frowns and sad and frustration on my part.
i took his hands in mine and told him that i love him so much �it is difficult for me to see him this way �to see him in pain. i also explained that i am frustrated because even if there is no explanation for the sad and little to say about it except that it is not caused in any way by our relationship�
even though i know these things, his withdrawal is painful. i wish to support, to hold, to comfort, and if it is indeed not a relationship problem, why was he not able to take solace in me, my love, our love? he is used to being alone, yes, and did not get into a relationship with me thinking that it would solve all of his problems�and yes, but when i am totally shut out it hurts like a motherfuck and i can only do so much outside observation before i start directing things inward and blaming myself and every action/reaction and cause on my self.

it is in this way that i should be stronger, not this crumbling pillar of salt. i need to support and give what is needed unselfishly and completely separate from any and all personal emotion. i wish i was that strong. there are a lot of cracks in this shell.

regardless, there are reasons for talking about us and how the things we do not only effect ourselves, but how they effect the relationship. we, the us, are rock as ever and will work with this and everything else, building more foundation and structure. such things are a never-ending project. there were many snuggles and hands/fingers/feet from this discussion onward. he accepted the support i could offer and was able to reciprocate as he could.

this weekend turned out wonderful after all. *smile*

freyjachunk went to the kitty ophthalmologist and had her spay sutures out. everything is going well on both fronts�she is even easter bonnet-less.

after the vet on saturday we went for a luncheon date at the valhallabrewworks. mmm. nummy!! ...but expensive. on sunday there was more pric-y food. *sigh* sometimes the pleasure is worth the worry...yes? fuckboy arrived and we went to the brazilian meat parade with TT and TFS. whoo whee! swords and octopus and crayfish and turkey wrapped in bacon and spare ribs of beef and pork and tenderloin and flank...etc.

meat! i mean, i love you!

which DUNE character are you??