major anxiety attack last night�so afeared of having guests, i am, and other things. 1:30am and i am shaking and rattling in the bed � afraid to sleep � afraid to feel � just plain afraid to do anything for all of the sharpness in the apartment.

this is the first time in a while that i have had paring knife thoughts�first time in years. sometimes i even amaze myself with the levels of stupidity that my mind can achieve.

i decide that a quest is the way to calm, and TT (being the amazing and sweet one that he is +20 goodboifriendpoints) got out of our oh-so-cozy bed and offed to walk it out with me. we were on a nicotene quest...anything to get us out of the house and away from sharpies, really.

our neighborhood is so pretty at 2am, it is�different shades of dark.

i am in love with the most amazing and wonderful boi i have ever met, i am -- although lately i have been/felt quite the bit psycho. i ask and he does not mind�yet.

we�ll work on that.

*sigh*

and soon, a date! a real date with a blushing boy phone call and dress-up dinner! romance and fancy pants! �something for smiles and licks.

i put in a few more resumes today,
we�ll see what happens.

theclock: *tick*tick*tick*

booty: fuck you�i want to leave this library, damnt!