lately i feel like i am surrounded by people who are sick or sad or both...people needing support. people who i really want to help to see them smile...to make them feel better.

i *heart* these people

i want all of my friends to be incredibly content and happy and healty...i hope this more than anything!!!

i have to find a balance...have to give some to myself sometimes, i think. i've been feeling pretty empty and substance-less. i've been feeling worn/wrung out, tired.

yep.

i just have to find the balance between being able to help and trying to help with things that i can do nothing about...things that are completely out of my realm of control and/or wisdom and advice.

worry
and worry
and worry

at times i feel myself cracking...at times i have to realize that all of the horridness in the world is not my responsibility and go feed the kitties which are.

poor kitties, staring all of the time.

i want them to hunt and be fierce, but they just lie on their backs and sexpose. the new kitten we get will hopefully terrorize them out of their boredom.

question:

why do i have to feel so freaking awful about being happy?

people look forward to things all of their lives, they wish for things: the deepest of loves, financial stability, thorough education, a cute apartment, warm kitties, good food to eat, fun clothes to wear...

perhaps not those exact things, and always more more, but...all of my life i have wanted happy -- and now that i have it i feel so awful and guilty about it.

i've been through so much and worked really hard to get where i am, nothing falls in the lap you know.

i feel horrible about finally feeling good...
where is the logic?