something so delectably forbidden about going out on the porch to smoke...hands hardening in the wind and reading under the porch light.

i am thinking the neighbor guy is on to me, he crosses the street now when walking his doberman. ha!

mostly it is the back-in-time-ness of it, the proverbial sneek out behind the rents house or school, the quick breaks out to catch one's breath.

i think through things outside,

sometimes one smoke is enough -- at times two or three, depending.
sometimes it is enough to follow the smoke up into the clear and starless sky.