it is not yet afternoon and i find myself regretting the new hire already. shall i mention that he has of yet to actually start working here -- and is already a severe annoyance? let�s nick him hairlip, shall we? i figure he should be nicked � for he will no doubt come up again in the future. rrr. today another library called me and told me that he was also working there (which i have to know due to time restraints and work permits)�and she also told me that hairlip changed his address.

BOTH facts of which he should have told me HIMSELF when he stopped in THIS MORNING!

i see now what i am dealing with�and i dig my own mass grave for our two libraries and staff. i know this, for i hired him � even after he came in every day after handing me his application, asking whether i have reviewed it and such. i do admit that i called every one else possible for the job, that i do.

but what to do with hairlip boy?

i have a nice shifting project to keep him both busy and out of my hair.

*shrug*

trials and tribulations of being a librarian�

and one of the good points?

thelittleprince: goodey good!

one of the good points is the cutie at the cricket (stripclub) who whispers in my ear why hello, my sexy librarian� and i whisper back hello MY sexy librarian and with a flick of her tongue and a roll of her hips i am just the happiest bookworm in the whole world. *grin* she is in my library program, you see, this hottie.

i wonder how she knew of my sexy librarian status?

i always thought that was self-proclaimed, a joke so-to-say, amusement�making fun of the pathetic-self� hrm. perhaps i have grown into the title? i am getting closer to that degree, after all, then to be certified�mmm.

last night i dreamt:

i am in a large victorian house with a wrap-around porch, 4 floors, circular land plot at the bottom of a little valley and circled in with pine�the drive follows the circle around the valley and the pine for quite a breath-taking view. i am sitting at a bureau, being handed papers to sign. i draw idly on the back of one while they explain the contract. i am to marry the owner of the house, who is at least eighty years old, and am to function as his wife in all manners and respects until his death upon which i will inherit all of his land, property and possessions, including his account balance. he has been watching me from afar at chorale practice and has decided that he would like a closer look.

the older gentleman pulls me aside and explains that he just wants to have my company, mostly, a friend and talking companion � someone to share tea with in the afternoon and such. he is lonely now and admires my beauty and grace � and just wants to live in my presence for a while.

i tell them, he and his various lawyers, that i am going to go for a walk to think�and i walk out onto the porch, down the stairs, and sit in an elegant white-wooden chair underneath a nearby tree. what a wonderful offer, and yes, i could be very comfortable here indeed. it seems that there would be no longer any more worries or cares about finances in my life, it seems that everything here would be gentle and slow paced. �and to be so admired, so flattered! a rich-man�s mistress, and not even a whore, but his wife, then his widow.

i think more, a pleasant picture that it is, and so cool in the shade of the tree. i think about how to fit TT into the picture. would he wait for me for five or so years? would he wait for love and financial security? would that work? or would i be found out by my benefactor? would TT just leave me?

i walk back to the house, full of conviction. i have made my choice and explain to the older gentleman that i have commitment elsewhere and will be unable to sign his forms, as beautiful and tempting that his offer may be. i stay for tea, and in the end of my stay promise to visit again, for he is truly an interesting and kind-hearted man, a grand-father-ly figure of sorts. i am driven home to my life with TT.

hrm.

and i wonder at how similar this dream is to the one of a few night before�the compliments and flattery. *shrug* i just make problems out of thin air, you know � it is strange and difficult to have a mostly problem-free relationship � especially when others in my repertoire have had quite their share. i suppose i expect things to be awful and to turn into argument.

no good.

i have to get used to this. i do, yes. pleh. even the week-long separation thing is not that bad, and certainly do-able. strange. i used to think that there was no way that something like this could work, but i suppose that we are both in life-stages which enable such things to happen, enable our relationship to be so very strong. over the last few years we have been through moving (twice), two car accidents, weddings and family gatherings (stressers, and not pleasant), traveling consulting, major future changes (no more MFA), accusation and frustration within studygroup#9, the moving away of dear friends, large purchases (couch, tv, stress!), the addition and subtraction of a loved pet, surgery (ack, how could i forget that??), illness, longing � distance � love.

i honestly cannot see how my future would look without him there, our late night chats circulating a history which we have made together.

ok, i�ll kill myself now and save you the trouble.
*gag*