the day smoothes on, and i wonder a bit more ...although now not as scared or pensive as before. i just wonder if TT has had any internet access today at all.

i am not dwelling on the chance that he may be angry with me...and i think that is a wonderful thing.

self opinion higher than before, last year, years ago...very important...yes.

i have been as of late encouraging thepalewanandsicklyone to do so as well...but there is patience. it is a difficult process.

loving thyself, falling just a little in love

so difficult.

i still argue with me and fight/slap/beat the fuck out of myself over the smallest things...but then i am able to make up, and love me again.

this really is not supposed to be sounding sappy...oops.

heh.

anyhoo, i await that call from the airport...the flight on time...my precious and amazing bootyboi on the way to me, all tired and pouty, my love. today i have thought about touching him...just hands all over body stuff...all of that skin, mine to touch/kiss...acres and nations of it...

i wonder if he thinks these things

i asked him last weekend to tell me why he loved me. i know, an awful question, horrible to ask. i am just ever so curious. i want to hear it, i want to hear everything, to know everything.
i talk too much...tell him to much that i love him, his smell, his...[insert anything dirty or clean here]. i want a return of such things, but am aware that we are two people -- so wonderful together -- but two separate people who think in different ways.

people expect us to be the same...my grrlies ask me why he does not open to them, crack the door just a little so they can come in.

but he does...

i think my friends become used to the way i kick open the door ...hey guys, come on in!! here is everything!!...

not everyone is like that. it gets me hurt, i trust too easily. i fall in love with all of my friends...i get crushed. it also welcomes in the best friendships and relationships...take the amazing with the horrible.

most people are a little more cautious. i actually hope to learn how to be less open, to give less of myself -- keep little tid-bits for me and the kitties.

i have stuff/things to learn from him, methinks.

as much as i may advise, i have my own flaws. fuck all of this we are only on the earth to procreate and extend the species...i know this is true, but i wish for my life to not revolve around spawn...i want it to be about self enhancement.

i want to play well with myself and others...
but only certain ones

*grin*