what follows is a letter i sent this morning to the palewanandsicklyone. i hope it helps, although sometimes it is hard to see any solution when one is so very sad...

i hope today is a little, tad, bit better than yesterday.

it is hard, this love stuff, but it is not the most important thing in life.

we are here as beings, independent. it sucks really hard that grrlies have it bludgeoned into their minds from an early age that we have to get married as quickly as possible -- have to find that perfect mate to spend forever with.

while this sounds like a reasonable thing, we are made totally dependent and left at the sometimes cruel will of our partners.

you have told me before that you will be able to work on your book after your boyfriend makes his millions and such, but you wait until then, waiting hand and foot -- doing everything possible for the boy until you are left utterly exhausted and spent.

my philosophy is that in love, two people meet each other halfway.

i have been in love 4 times now, deeply. mypartnerincrime and i, number 3, is the finest example of a relationship that simply could not work out. although we were very much in love (and still are in ways) it was physically and mentally impossible to have that kind of relationship and survive.

my thoughts on/outside view of your and ninboy's relationship is that there were definite impassable barriers for communication, also you gave much much more than you received.

this is all you know, though, and the absence of this central core to your life is devastating. *hug* i have been there, you will get through this.

you must begin to see yourself as the central core.

you have to see how important and amazing you are...
how beautiful, intelligent and frankly wonderful...
i cannot tell you of this enough.

until you find peace with yourself, and work on this self relationship you are going to be involved in unbalanced and "doomed for failure" relationships.

you have to find your own path, not walk down someone else's. your partner must be mature enough to share a path with you, even walk with you on our path at times...as well as you on theirs.

it can balance, this give and take.

that is love.
the willingness to change and give to someone else without thinking of oneself all of the time -- it comes with maturity and growth.

ninboy might just be too young for the type of commitment you desire,
it may be as simple as that.

learn from the relationship...it was not all amazing as you remember and grieve for, there were problems, nights and nights of crying...times when he simply would not talk to you.

this is not something that you have to deal with.

there is more love out there...and you will find it, but for now work on your book, your writing, yourself.

love...it will come to you when you are ready.

this is going to be a wonderful time of growth for you!
you have so much to offer the right person who will not take advantage of you emotionally, monetarily, ...! someone out there will return all of your love amazingly and you will be totally overwhelmed and blissfully happy.

it will happen.

work on you first, then it will come.

bliss is not easy, you know...

*hug*

i love you, and hope that you are not angry with my frankness...i am not very good at being delicate...i speak my heart and that is often very blunt and sharp.

i think you can find a much better relationship, i really do...someone who can return all that you give...someone mature and responsible.

i know you will.
love,
ja