i am feeling crazy today...seriously. this morning i was thinking that i just might be one of those people who may need to be medicated in order to live well with others. i am effected too deeply by things that should not even concern me, i worry about strangers, i let other people go before me at stopsigns and such.

here i am, here i am! take advantage of me and i will eat it, swallow it down into me until i explode -- until the anger burns up like bile and the silliest things make me spit.

...but do not worry, it will not be at you. do not worry at all, and go on happy and happy.

today, i am boiling

and the reasoning is sparse and idiotic. i see through my own holes, gapes in my plans, errors in judgement.

i see all of this, and yet it continues. i do not know how to stop an avalanche...it just burries what it finds regardless.

i am over-come/whelmed.

today i wear my fuzzy winter cap with the cute kitty ears at work. this is not a costume, but something to keep my head warm. i wonder what the patrons will think when i am wearing it next month too.

my world had been flipped on its side lately, everything i fear and muse upon hidden in the basement with the cats.

oh! that reminds me......last night, the terror or someone breaking into the apartment. we arrived home from the ballet (carmina burana with a full choir and symphony...amazing) to a quiet house, no kitties at the door...something wrong. and i, not yet frantic, calling around the apartment for them...peeking underneath the couch, the bed...kitties? and then the surprise fright in the kitchen, back door open wide, our home so exposed/open...i called the TT, come into the basement with me to check it out... *hoping* the outside door was locked and noone broke in...

the creep down stairs, peer into the dark, dirty...listening for tiny paws, mews...

and then relief, my havanalog running up the stairs all crooked and deformed, little minon dancing by the hotwater heaters...by the washer, how she got the dryer door open we'll never know...

*sigh*

how can i teach the kitties not to open doors...? scare them in the basement so they no longer pine by the back door?

i do not know...

they are getting more clever, those cats...

they are winning.