last night i dreamt of TT and i in a snowstorm...in seperate cars, me in my volvo wagon and he in his cute little audi. i was following him, and the snowfall was made of huge, fluffy clots...a blizzard. he drove on as i slid off of the road, my stationwagon sliding slow-motion into an embankment and a ditch...slow...and quite safe, but i was left alone in the storm. he drove on until he realized i was gone, got off at the next exit and waited for me in a gas station/convenience parking lot.

the walk was not so long -- and i made it to his car, but somehow i forgot all of my clothes in my car (clothes for our weekend trip for to see nanimal and his wife).

as we waited out the storm, i pulled out an old circut board, for to solder, carefully...so carefully inside the car. i then went inside the convenience store and bought some nummy russian cake. the walls were lined with frozen cakes, the whole store was a freezer. odd.

i suppose winter, with its flakes, will be here soon,...but i am so enjoying autumn (my favorite season) at last!

that dream, although it sounded calm was actually an anxiety dream...which cake? which cake? oh my god, what if the solder drips! eek! an accident, my car!! what am i going to do???

just like that. i'll never know where they come from. heh.

but this anxiety mostly kept me up all night...mostly. so, by 645am, out of bed, make coffee and get my ass in the shower to start a new and complete day...all healed and ready to go on public transportation, well...i freaked.

panic in the shower and tears and tears...and not stopping until i called off the day and called my sweet TT. i slept the wrong way and it hurt to move, breate, sit, stand. it hurt...add that to feeling ugly and helpless and you have one sadgrrl.

now, this evening, after a day of relaxation...much better! hooray for positive healing...or something.