yesterday was all about anxiety, from class to home to apartment stuff to job stuff to spending the evening with mum to plans changing right before my very eyes.

plans changing, very hard for me to deal with. i had a panikattack after work when i heard the message. it brought happy news, but i realized that i was reaching the explosion point with a level of anger that was previously not even there.

eep!

there was barely any sleep last night...they were to get in at 3am, so i tossed until i heard them arrive at 5. stared at the patterns made by the curtains/porchlight last night for hours, worrying about the charge for electricity over night for both porch lights, but unable to turn them off because of their soon-to-be-arrival and the offchance that i would actually fall asleep with the lights off, thusly creating a situation where they would not be able to read my sign on the back door, meaning that they would knock and knock there and i would not heard it because i was alseep and they had driven so far and would need to crash so badly and so they would get upset knocking at the door while i slept so peacefully in my satin bed...and so on and so forth, on and on and on...

you see how the thoughts were going last night, circular, and so anxious i was. having company freaks me out, changes the routine, upsets havana.

merrrowl? yes, you.

and i worry and worry that i will get no sleep or rest in the near future, and these thoughts make me even more paniky and there is no relaxation.

nope, none.

and later, the dream i had when i fell asleep from 530-600...