a muse on jealousy?...the irrational abhoring of the innocent grrls

stems from insecurity in:
myself and my position, and the fact that TT may some day arrive (my disbelief -- these feelings and needs/wants for each other could not possibly be real, ...because they are so so good, intense, wonderful...)

these insecurities stemming from:
anxiety (i am trying to logify an attack at this very moment) which is in some way related to this horrible sheet of sadness that seems to cover/smother me at the moment...

and the more sad i get, ...the more alone i feel, ...the more sad i get, ...the more alone i feel, ...the more sad i get...

and i wish to lay down and disappear for a while, but all i can seem to do is over-analize and cry, and cry...

very circulargrrl

...all i want right now, over anything else, is for someone to hold me and tell me that it is going to be alright, and that this too will pass...
...i will have to keep doing this for myself, however,

...it just does not feel as warm...