another weekend is slowly dripping away - and i have not accomplished anything worthwhile with my weekend time. yes! sometimes sloth is a positive thing. i am stretched out on our fuzzy purple sofa with a HavanaLog wrapped around my feet, WQED on in the background and a laptop warming my lap. i am calming down.

this morning was tears during breakfast at the restaurant - tears and unnecessary daymares about what life would be if my tt died. i explained this to him, as he was my breakfast companion, and he patiently listened. i dreamed this week that both tt and merrydeath died within a few days of each other - i think it may have been the bird flu as i watched a show about it before bed, but in the dream it was vague. i remember strongly the feeling of desertion, loneliness and loss of will. i would be lost here, i would. would i stay here, would i move, would new zealand become a more realistic option? i'll not think about it again, at least not today.

tt has been sick sick for weeks, and the trip to the ER was sloughed off by the new Dr who wants new tests instead. no huge worries, as the ER was because it was a holiday and the old PC NavalDr was not in the office - but still. we are now to wait for new results. to wait. wait. and again, wait. damnt, just give the boy some more antibiotics so he can kick the sick - do not leave him out and ill like this. peh. tonight we will try aikido perhaps if the tum is not too bad.

aside from that, life for the past month has revolved around moving - and looking at places that are either perfect but in the wrong area, or in a great area but craptastic inside. eventually both will click and the packing will begin. more waiting and patience.

tt is closer to a new job now as well, the 2nd interview next friday. we will see, in time.

it is time to hunker and snuggle in, to hibernate and lick our wounds. things in general are really good, so there is not much to complain about - it is just that for me instead of feeling joy/content/happiness i tend to worry about the possibility of tragedy/defeat.

*shrug*

i took tt out on a date for our 2 month anniversary - took him to mirrormask - best wife ever.