last night were terrors and i woke up at 4am and cried and cried. my tt is so good with my midnight tears, he just wraps those huge arms around me and i disappear for a little while. it was a good cry for a bad dream. there was a little bomb dropped on me this week, and try as i might, i just could not prepare for it. my mom has hired a nurse to come in a few days a week to help with dad - he no longer changes his clothes or cleans himself. he is loosing.
i knew it was coming, but man. last time i talked to him on the phone he kept repeating the home phone number. my dad, the human answering machine. at least he and my mother are getting along better now, although if she cannot make him change and wash, i do not see how a nurse can. he does have that violent streak, he does.
i will never get a chance to have a real dad - or even talk to him about it now, or anything for that matter. part of my plan for the pgh trip was to spend some time with family - now it looks like a bit more than that. wobeastman will be there with her 4 (four!!) kids, and mum and dad of course. all of my mornings and afternoons will be with family - evenings will be w/friends and relaxing. was going to walk the dog with dad and have a chat, but it will be a bit different than i pictured. my parents are pretty old, dad is 76 now, but the degradation even though expected, is hitting a bit deeper than i had assumed.
i am at the courthouse today waiting for my name to be called for jury duty. can you believe that, me on a jury? maybe if i just pee when they call my name they will let me go home.
i have decided to stop double posting on d-land - just cant keep up with anything anymore. if you need me - look for me on livejournal under the same name.