it must be the tail-end of the sick that brings the sad. today, however, is a bit better on both accounts. i related to tt that it is doubly sad now when i am depressed - because there is no reason at all, and it makes me sad to be sad when i am in actuality happy. (if you can understand that) i get lonely sometimes and there are things there...here... but all in all, we are on the path we have forged, achieving almost anything we set out to do, and achieving it well. it is not such a bad life, no.

yesterday we strung up lights in the Archive and i smiled really big. i smiled at the now, and how different it is from this time last year at work - last year hell.

now all i need is some snow, a fire in the fireplace, and bing crosby - or maybe just a long winter's nap.

cracked eggs, dead birds
scream as they fight for life
i can feel death, can see its beady eyes...
all these things into position
all these things we'll one day swallow whole
...and fade out again...
...and fade out again...

immerse your soul in love...!