i think about them growing, new shoots and tubers reaching through the comfort of fog toward the sun...

i think of the wonders of hot olive oil dissolving anchovies, little flecks of fresh garlic ever so slightly brown and bubbling and drizzling this over our pizza, our dinner...

i think of my lover whispering words of goodnight to me, knowing i cannot hear through the earplugs, but can see his curling lips form the words, tucking me in from toe to neck...

i think of purr and dance, contentedly suffocated at night by their need, tucked in by paws and warm bellies, nuzzling my nose down into fur...

i think of things that calm/placate me, help the breathing slow, keep the heart from splintering ribs, the stomach from eating itself. to quell the proverbial fuck you i think outside, away, home and sleep - i am ignoring things.

i have been with my tt for three years, eight months and four days.
i(we) have been in Frisco for a year and two months.
i am completing my first year here at TheNetwork a year in a few weeks.
i am going to the TheRapist on wednesday for the first time in five years.

hurt that's not supposed to show
and tears that fall when no one knows
when you're trying hard to be your best,
could you be a little less?

do you know what it feels like for a girl
do you know what it feels like in this world
What it feels like for a girl

strong inside but you don't know it
good little girls they never show it
when you open up your mouth to speak,
could you be a little weak?