i am happy today. my co-worker called off and i am doing her work + mine and i have not had an anxiety attack. i am happy today.

friday night i had friends over for poker - most people i invited did not respond to the e-Mail, most people i invited did not come, but we had enough for a rockin poker game and a fun weird yelling/listing game too. i had a great time regardless of turnout. i was happy - i had fun.

usually i would be so upset for the weekend at least, and in to the week - ruminating over something i may have said or done wrong in the invite, or perhaps on friday night, but somehow i am free from such things now. there is thinking and a bit of going over, but not obsession. how interesting!

i never thought anything would work - that i would never be able to have a sense of peace or contentment. it is extremely hard to convey how i feel right now as it is still too new to trust, so new to as never been felt before. i have been happy, yes, but always with some worry, some dread dancing around in the back of my mind. other medications i have tried in years past have never worked, not like this - it is similar to thinking you have had orgasms for years and years, and then finally having one. there is no mistaking it.