feeling useless at work today. freyja did not take to getting her head washed in the bath yesterday and now i have a sweet little/incredibly painful puncture wound in my right hand which is just about incisor shaped. *sigh* dr. appointment today at 3:45 for to have a look at the infection. last time i was cat bit was about 10 years ago by a friend's huge orange monstrosity - he bit and hung off my hand/tendons for a while until contact with a wall made him let go. at least this time i did not have to drive myself to the ER, although the bandaged aching right hand makes everything a pain in the buttski.

i am sick and have been for the last week - coughing throat hurty stuffy wheezy gimmie a fork so as to put me out of my misery sick. ye gads. i was daymare-ing about chef�s knives and stomach stabs on the bus this morning.

tonight is appointment number two at the Physical Therapist. he says i will only need about 4 appointments and that i will probably not need surgery - i do not trust him and his hope. nope. mark my words, come august this year i'll be under the knife yet again. it disturbs me.

this weekend was all about walks and holding hands and rage. so difficult to not be angry with the boy and his indifference, but i managed. there was finally a house which matched our picky-as-fuck check list perfectly - nothing was wrong with the place. nothing was wrong - but this was not exciting or moving tt. nothing was wrong but nothing was amazing and so the house hunt continues - we're on like 5+ months of looking for a place to move now, and the anticipation and unsettledness drives me freakin batty. it is so depressing, really.

my mood is in shambles. i want to aiki more, but bitten hands, sniffles and knee pain constantly pushes me back toward inactivity. sloth and sick breeds self-hatred thoughts and the sad twists and turns in a panic. what a bother. things are not awful and could certainly be bad or worse - i just need to sit back and breathe through it. i am just so sick of being in pain all of the time - last week was a deep cut on my left pointer from contact cooking, the week before i am sure it was something else.

ball of hate ... ball of hate.

we are trying to arrange a trip back to suxburgh for tiki - (jun 17th) - but work is slow to give me an answer about my baltimore conference early in the week, so we wait and wait.

and wait
and patience
and breathe...