so tired today...

i sleep solid when TT is home...but i also do more...get more done, get more tired.

last night frantic and tears. crying for the last few hours left of the weekend. sunday nights are just horrible, i never want to sleep and wake up to him leaving in the morning.

i do enjoy my time alone

spend time at home with the kitties, with friends, artwork (not lately?)

side note: finish eye sculpture over break?

i keep busy busy...always going here, doing that...hands and thoughts occupied in order to avoid the lone.

*shrug*

it is not ignore-ing the situation, it is a matter of co-existing with it...fitting it into my life, secured and dove-tailed fast. i love the boy...and never think that all of the pressure/stress/hurdles are not worth. after all, it is so very special and precious to have him home for two whole weeks starting friday!...two weeks and three weekends...17 days. almost as long as that 3 week stretch before my surgery.

one year and 4 months this month,...and going strong and content. there are kitten plans in the future...our first together. ...and the new car in 2002! many fun future things, i do not fear.

dream from a few night ago:

i am in a small town, mostly made up of facades -- like a set? but real, ...people actually living there and such. i explore, walking around alone. behind one set of double doors i see 4 billion people...or people-like beings, crowded into a huge valley and waiting to pass through the doors onto the earth. they are waiting to take over the planet and colonize here.

i shut the doors again and tell everyone i see about these creatures. the people either do not believe me, are apathetic, or are members of a cult welcoming the people-like things in...a conspiracy. they chace me and i hide, peeking back through the double doors from time to time to see the magnanimous sight. i wake before they come through.

giganamous!

every day closer to my vacation i smile a little bigger, take a few more easy breaths. i long for a stress-free vacation. i long for rest.

it seems the palewan has the vacation planned out, which is amazing and fun! i just would like to sit back and enjoy the ride she is planning! so sweet!

i am so tired...xmas work party today. i get to go home around 230, and that is a positive thing.

*yawn*