i was wondering at 4am why i cannot have the nightmares when TT is home, the clench-your-teeth-and-hang -on-for-dear-life-or -the-ride nightmares, the ones that make you afraid of what your mind thinks up while you sleep...the dangerous ones.

i had two last night...

and two anxiety dreams,...and so found myself calling bootyboi at 4am to see if there would be comfort. instead of hitting the "1" for weepy message fun, i accidentally hit the "off" button, and thusly did not call back to leave a message. i decided that it would be more efficient to stare at the phone and muse about distance and such, kitties purring and circling my feet.

i also thought a bit about nightmares, and how fun they can be, even though horrible. mostly after all, you wake up, mostly. so, fun! i like a good horror flick. i will try to enjoy these. much more fun to experience terror personally than to watch it on the big screen, especially if your physical body is not really harmed...

more on that later, for i think i will enter the dreams in chronological order,

beginning with the bowl dream:

i am in a bathroom and i just gave the shower to my roomate/co-worker for her turn. as i towel off, there is a knock at the bathroom door. odd, but i open the door. it is di-jock-a-mo's little brother [1], looking for a free glimpse at nudity and also there to tell me that he has arrived at my party. i thank him and ask him to wait for us in the living room. i am in some skewed version of my rents' house, but when i emerge from the bathroom, everything is familiar. there are old friends there, highschool people, and newish friends there as well. i am a bit nervous, people keep asking em wqhere things are, and they are difficult to find. there are many more rooms to look in than in reality, and i have a hard time locating things, such as glasses and snackies. punk-rock-star-toe-grrl is there, and she asks me for the glass engraved bowl that i borrowed from her is. i spent most of the dream crazily searching for this bowl around the rents house, in a panick, for the bowl was importnant to her. finally at the end of the dream i found it, pretty and shaped like a lotus. i give it to her. i wake up.

[1] di-jock-a-mo is a boy that i played "show me yours and i'll let you watch me pee" with when i was a liddle liddle grrl. strange reference, but it was specifically his brother.

dream 2:

i am in a church at an irish wake. the front part of the church, altar and such, are tilted at a 45 degree angle and shaped like a triangle. there are stairs up either side of where they have the casket, and then on either side of that is the choir. i see no discernable priest or leader. i do not recognise the corpse, ...some old man, pink and plastic/powder-y. i help some women arrange carnation-flower-heads in a pattern on either side of the casket, in horizontal sloped rows, like on little steps. i have a handful of red ones. when we are done, one of the choir members takes out a blowtorch and lights the flowerheads and casket on fire. we sing over the blaze.

we sing, but there are spiteful glances all around, and tension raises. it seems that there are many different religions envolved in the ceremony, and fights start to break out. over all of the noise i yell at them to stop and do they not all see that religion is about being good people and self improvement, not forcing other to believe what you do and such? they listen for a few minutes, then start to argue again. it is at this point that i notice that one of the older male choir members is feeling me up and groping at my chest. i am quite annoyed by this and i wake up.

side note: i am not religious. i think this dream came from talking about christianity with bootyboi the other day. my dreams often pick up little facets of daily life. *shrug*

next two dreams in the next entry.

*hungry*