*pissed at herself for sucking*
hrm.
explain? ...perhaps once i figure it out for myself.
i just spent an access class and lunch mulling over what/how i think. introspective me. i have decided on nothing but the cause of most of my internal/external problems.
1.anxiety
2.self esteem
"these are easy things to work with," muse the ordinaries. one would think this, and although logical in thought process, i would have to disagree in the case of me. (but then again, are not our personal problems more important -- at times only important -- to ourselves.) sometimes i wonder.
love/hate/friends/fucks/families
*shrug*
truly we have to battle the big one ourselves, keep ourselves from falling over the edge into the abyss -- and the loosing of our total self identity.
bullshit? ...perhaps.
i ask myself some questions...
why do you need the love/acceptance/pride of your parents -- especially your mother?
Why does this extend to other facets of your life?
...and why oh why, littlegrrl, can you not get these things from yourself?
i do not know.
i do things that i am proud of, believe in, yes...
so then why do i need so much from others?
not need, WANT.
somehow i fucking forget this every time. want want want, gimmie gimmie gimmie. i am so immature, i am sickened.
these things push others away.
these insecurities make them angry.
stop ruining things and pushing them away,
